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There are currently 37,242 souls in our warehouse. |
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Today's featured satanist
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n the beginning there was nothing, and from that nothing arose Uncyclopedia, a great and magnificent tome containing all that was good. And once opened, Uncyclopedia spawned all that was funny and great. From the pages of Uncyclopedia sprang forth the knowledge of how to huff a cat, the knowledge of the meaning of the acronym "NRA", and the knowledge of how to beat a joke to death. From Uncyclopedia sprung Oscar Wilde quotes, beautiful pictures, and an annoying copycat named Wikipedia. However, right from the beginning, there was foretold an end. On the last page of Uncyclopedia, there is a small note. The note reads as follows:
Dear Reader,
Uncyclopedia will not last forever. Eventually there will come the Unpocalypse: A fiery rain of Hebrews will fall
from the sky, followed by forty days and nights of fog. Once the fog is lifted, Uncyclopedia will be no more.
However, dearest Reader, take solace in the fact that you will have due warning. There will be 5 signs that the
Unpocalypse is coming. The signs are as follows: (continued...)
Recently buried: Todd Lyons - Hindleyite - Suresh - Mhaille - DeathByPie - Hardwick Fundlebuggy
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Did you kill...
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- ...Elvis?
- ...JFK?
- ...Jesus?
- ...some Zombies?
- ...Oscar Wilde?
- ...Chuck Norris?
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In the pit
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On this day...
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May 15: Feast of St. Kielbasa, patron saint of Polka
- 815 - Aqua Regia, the Royal Crown Cola, is discovered by Henry Cavendish. It proves to be stronger than the previously known most corrosive universal solvent, Coca-Cola.
- 1265 - Crispin Glover is knighted. He leads a crusade to defeat Emperor Pat Boone of Lower Angolia.
- 1352 - Due to a massive landslide in Eastern Mongolia, Hawaii moves in the general direction of New Zealand causing the issuance of a tsunami warning. Tectonic plate activity ensues causing widespread tsunamis and cannabis growth, much to the amusement of the Greens.
- 1512 - The first Running of the Bulls held in Ciudad Viento, Spain. Michael Jordan gores two unlucky fans and Dennis Rodman is destroyed after breaking a leg. Ernest Hemingway is trampled in his ringside seat.
- 1852 - The former King of Wisconsin hands over his royal cheese crown over to the Rebel Cow leader Jizabell, after the successful attempt to overthrow his kingdom.
- 1924 - The country of Foospance is discovered; people of Foospance rejoice.
- 1944 - German General von Allzenheimer tells a Soviet army to "please fuck off".
- 1976 - International Society of Procrastinators debate over forming that organization. They decide to do it later.
- 1998 - The International Society of Procrastinators thinks about threatening those members who are thinking about criticizing the Society.
- 2004 - The International Society of Procrastinators apparently disbands without ever being officially formed.
- 2006 - Several former members of the International Society of Procrastinators are found still loitering in the hallway of the convention center where they thought the formation meeting was scheduled in 1998. They showed up in 2002 and couldn't decide if they should leave.
- 2007 - George W. Bush oversees the production of Burger King's first Texas Double Whopper. Hershey's sues, claiming copyright violation over the name.
- 2008 - Recent tests prove that the remains of George Bush are capable of curing cancer, AIDS, the flu, hair loss, and low gas mileage. Once again, the country doesn't seem to mind.
- 3045 - Scientists discover LeBron James's frozen corpse under Lake Michigan; world peace declared.
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Satanist and Imp of the Month
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Once again, dear chaps, the Devil wins this award. 13th month in a row. He's that good, you say. Well I say, chaps, that just because he runs this website doesn't mean you blokes have to keep voting for him! He's already got 13 bloody GUNs! Stop voting for ------------ *scream from off stage*.
Announcers body is seen hanged from a tree
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The Devil, it seems, has done it again. Yet anouther award for him to hang above his desk, eh? I think he'll soon run out of space if he keeps up like this! He's already got 12 of these. Not that he doesn't deserve them and all. No no no deary, after seeing what happened to the last guy, I'd never say something like that. But really folks, have any of you even read the rules? He can only win once. It says it plane and clear. Well I say we fight it brothers! I say we kill The Beast! I say we
Announcer slumps forward in his chair. He has a large sword stuck in his back.
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Vote for Satanist of the Month | Vote for Imp of the Month | Vote for Occultist of the Month | Past Winners: 0/1
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