Kamino

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Star wars kamino.jpg
Kamino
Capital City Tipoca City
Terrain

Water, water and more water.

Region of the Universe

Far far away

Native Species

Kaminoans

Other Species

Fish. Lots of them.
Population

Small because their entire population is centered on a tiny base in the middle of an endless sea.

Official Language

English (with bad accent)

Primary Terrain

Water

Points of Interest

The Sea, Tipoca City, the Sea.

Major Imports

Food, supplies, materials - everything that you can't find in the middle of a big city

Major Exports

Clones, water, seafood

Kamino is a planet far, far away, mostly consisting of water. Lots of water. It is often referred as The Big Sea Planet Reverse Tattooine and the ocean made of the tears of a generation of Star Wars fans. It was erased from the Jedi archives, due to their HoloNet safe-search's confusion with the search terms "clones" and "kimonos". The planet was only discovered by Obi-Wan Kenobi when he landed there and fought Jango Fett, as they were never important enough to have an ambassador to the galactic senate. Home to many millions of species of fish that are the majority of the planet's life forms, the main species of Kamino are coincidentally called Kaminoans. They are long-necked greys, an evolutionary branch of E.T.'s species who formed an exclusively female society that raised male human clones in a cold sterile environment not unlike a bunch of nuns in charge of a Catholic boys school that ships them all off to war to get them out the door.

Composition and structure[edit]

Kamino is basically a very, very big sea. A very big one. Its ocean is also very deep and mysterious, with much speculative fan fiction being written about it by middle-school aged Kaminoans. Little of the sea has been explored because Kamino natives have always been obsessed with writing about their ocean and have had little time for being at the beach or even being outside. The planet has been determined to have a core of carbonite in case convenient plot devices are needed. Icebergs cover the seas for most of the year.

Weather and climate[edit]

The climate is very cold, and very often freak storms strike the single city, Tipoca City. These storms create huge tsunamis. Conveniently, no flooding occurs as there is no more land to flood. However, if one Kamino kid leaves the back door open then their entire city will be flooded and they will all die. Smart, eh?

There are exactly two sunny days a year and these are met by huge festivals where hoards of Kaminoans bask in the sunlight and earn a long-awaited tan. Sadly this is the cause for many deaths, as Kaminoans do not have a cure for skin cancer.

Habitability[edit]

The planet is rated very unhabitable, unless you are half fish, which technically Kaminoans are. The depth of the atmosphere is perfect for life – fish life, however, and not much else. But considering that the first thing that scientists look for when trying to find life on a planet, is water... well, I don't have to say much more, do I?

Fauna[edit]

Fish. Have we said it enough?

Natural resources and land use[edit]

Kamino provides some limited sources that are exported to the other planets. Large deposits of fossil fuels are obtained from the planet's crust, consisting of coal, petroleum, natural gas and methane clathrate, due to the fact that the Kaminoans have built many, many oil platforms throughout their oversized sea. The only other resource is seafood. The Kaminoans love seafood. Especially fish, because of the fact that there is no land. In 1993, Kaminoan use of land is approximately:

Land use Arable land Permanent crops Permanent pastures Forest and woodland Urban areas Other
Percentage 0% 0% 0% 0% 0.000001% 99.999999 %

The estimated amount of irrigated land in 1993 was 0 square kilometres, unless you count the abandoned seaweed farms that were salted two days before we did this graph.

Jedi Master Willy Wonka's clone factory.

Kaminoans[edit]

They are a strange, long-necked, thin, spindly, weird speaking and the second most despised galactic species after the Gungans. Highly sophisticated, they are recognized as creators of the clones, but then play no part in galactic history whatsoever.

Kamino Empire[edit]

The Kamino Empire is pretty flimsy and based around Tipoca City, which consists of several circle-shaped buildings hovering over the water.

History[edit]

Tipoca City was built somewhere around 5000 BC by alien child-buyers. There were only a few first inhabitants, but eventually (due to their unique cloning process), their population grew until it was too large to fit into their single city. Heavily under budget from a lack of ships to carry seafood and clones out to other planets, the government embraced ritual sacrifice, throwing at least a thousand Kaminoans into the sea to placate the sea god Jaws. Some managed to escape and form an alliance, but they were wiped out by those plastic rings on six packs, the ultimate weapon against their long pelican-like necks. Ten years after the genocide, a large meteor of N'th metal was discovered allowing the Kaminoans to build another fleet of ships, quadrupling their population.

Culture[edit]

The Kaminoans have a very rigid culture and spend most of their time fishing with their long necks, or scuba diving. They have no visible religion, but legends about land and trees were passed down the generations through holocron codices, until they were gathered up and burned en mass by the Jedi.

Military[edit]

A giant flying stingray and its rider approach a convenient gas station.

Although they make many clone soldiers, Kaminoans have never thought of actually using them in their own army. Because of this they only have a three-hundred-strong member army. As detailed in the "Weather and climate" section, Kamino is prone to frequent storms and tsunamis. However, they use their flying stingrays to fly above the waves, although with no coverings or anything they get very wet.