Greedo

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Greedo, Son of Greedo
Star Wars character
Greedo.jpg
After the incident with Han Solo, Greedo started pointing his gun at everyone. Here he is enrolling his son in kindergarten.
Homeworld Tatooine
Species Rodian
Gender Eunuch
Affiliation Greedo
Portrayed by Greedo
Voiced by Greedo

Greedo was a weird Star Wars alien who worked for Jabba the Hutt as one of his bounty hunters. He is most notable for attempting to kill Han Solo for bounty. During the attempt, Han shot first, leaving Greedo dead. During his life, Greedo succeeded in mocking Little Ani Skywalker, being green, and dying. Unsuccessful ventures included doing something with his life, shooting first, and collecting the bounty for Han's life.

Early life[edit]

Greedo grew up with his full Rodian family on Mos Espa, Tatooine. He is the son of Greedo, a bounty hunter, and Greedo, a dancer. While growing up, he went to the Rodian Refugee School on Tatooine, where he met Greedo and Greedo in Greedo's art class. Greedo, Greedo, and Greedo would be friends for years to come. At the age of 12, he met 9-year-old mechanic Anakin "Yippee!" Skywalker. Right away, Greedo hated Anakin and vowed to make fun of him forever. When Anakin was preparing for a pod race, Greedo made sure to get extra slimebally in his insults. Upon failing at even that, Greedo went home and cried to Greedo. He knew, even then, that he was a waste of the green rubber used to make his face.

Bounty hunting[edit]

After Anakin left Tatooine, Greedo had no direction in his life and moved to Mos Eisley. He tried various odd jobs over the next 32 years, such as working in the local cantina, selling power converters at Tosche Station, and being a womp rat exterminator. He wound up following in his father's footsteps to become a bounty hunter. Greedo sent his resume in to head gangster slug Jabba the Hutt. Right away, Jabba knew the Rodian was a failure at anything that would be useful to him. Instead, Jabba hired Greedo to portray a bounty hunter who killed smugglers, in the movie that Jabba had hired George Lucas to create about his life.

The "Shot First" Incident[edit]

Greedo asking Han Solo out on a date.

As part of his first real job, Greedo became notorious for appearing in the third rerun of the first draft of Star Wars, of which Jabba was executive producer. In the scene that made him infamous, he was accidentally sodomized by Han Solo. Because of his inability to mate, thus destroying the noble line of Greedo, he exiled himself to the planetary system of Felucia. It was here that he would later became a male stripper at a Felucian bikini wax salon.

Bouncywikilogo.gif
For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Greedo.

The initial version of the scene was seen in the original theatrical version of Star Wars; however, director George Lucas, who soon became known to fans as Darth Hitler, was unhappy with it. Electing to modify the films at a later date to "match his vision", he had Greedo return to the studios to refilm the scene. This time, Greedo was shot instead. At an even later date, Lucas decided that the alien saying "Maclunkey" and shooting first, then getting shot by Solo, more closely matched his vision. But by then, the movie had already been out, for like 20 years. In Jabba's own words to Lucas: "Doe holo was nenoleeya, u moron! Kava can u change do holo da was already nenoleeya!"

The incident generated bad publicity for Greedo, who was portrayed as a shameless actor with no morals who would do anything to further exploit his career.

Later life[edit]

Greedo on the opening credits of Dude, Where's My Hoverspeeder?

After some unsuccessful ventures in the sitcom format, such as the shows How I Bent Your Wookiee and Dude, Where's My Hoverspeeder?, Greedo finally regained face when he grew a beard and became Alf. The show ran for many seasons and was much beloved by American viewers who were dead inside. Eventually, Greedo committed suicide by blasting himself in the face, becoming one with the Force.

See also[edit]