Today's Featured Article -
Extension:DynamicPageList (DPL), version 2.3.0 : Warning: No results.
Yesterday's Featured Article - Advertising
Advertising is fundamental to capitalism, because the Free Enterprise System produces a cornucopia of products, which the existence of advertising suggests that no one wants to buy based on what he knows about the product. The function of advertising is to provide information he does not know — that is, false information — to induce him to buy products he does not want.
Advertising was invented in America. Advertising shows us that Americans were uniquely in need of commercial products. Alone in the world, United States residents—
- Wore wrinkly clothing, with stains that just wouldn't come out, and other intractable problems such as Ring Around the Collar.
- Suffered from debilitating though rococo diseases, including dandruff, the Five O'Clock Shadow, and the Heartbreak of Psoriasis.
- Lived in primitive housing with serious risks, such as indelible Bathtub Rings.
- Were notoriously inept at sex, requiring a variety of patent medicines just to maintain an erection.
These problems threatened lives, the propagation of the species, and thus the survival of the nation. Moreover, consumers often were unaware that they suffered from these problems until the advent of advertising.
Even after rectifying the serious threats to their lives and health, Americans discovered they had utterly no notion of their own identity. Thus, a follow-on function of advertising was to tell the consumer what buying a given car or drinking a given beer said about him. Now, one could plan to become a Macho He-Man
or a beauty queen
, simply by buying the right products. The consumer can be whoever he wants, at least until the money runs out. (more...)
Did you know...
- ... that the Easter Bunny must kill every 100 years? (pictured)
- ... that there are at least three other businesses like show business?
- ... that, now that I really think about it, I'm not sure what the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle is?
- ... the world has nearly run out helium for airships and toy balloons?
- ... but dog farts will provide enough gas to last thousands of years?
- ... Mister Rogers was not a Navy SEAL as rumored but a sea lion in disguise?
- ... that the speed of light is inversely proportional to the intelligence of the person holding the stopwatch?
- ... that the Mayan colander was a drain on its civilization?
On this day...
June 16: World Hunger Appreciation Day
- 1586 - Mary Queen of Scots takes tea, foregoes crumpet. She is thrown in Tower by Elizabeth I five days later.
- 1600 - Thomas Jefferson discovers Pokemon on his pants on a trip to the Cheese Sandwich Islands.
- 1837 - The muffin man began to build his reputation.
- 1846 - Pius IX is elected pope on the strength of his fetching rendition of the Macarena. Through similar means he later secures successive terms in office and becomes the longest-reigning pope since the days of St. Peter's last miracle.
- 1858 - Abraham Lincoln famously states that a house divided against itself cannot support itself very well and might very well lean to one side or perhaps fall over in some cases, if not completely just remain as is until some unfortunate earthquake or something ends its crippled being.
- 1889 - King Richard stands trial for attempting to murder his neighbor's cat with a ceramic lawn gnome.
- 1897 - The United States, in honor of Abraham Lincoln's legacy, officially annexes Hawaii and oppresses the natives.
- 1904 - Bloomsday. The events of James Joyce's novel, Ulysses, take place. Nothing happens.
- 1916 - Lost explorers discover what they believe to be the only flower living within a 250km radius of the South Pole. They divide it up and eat it ravenously but still die from hypothermia.
- 1932 - Wet Biscuit McGlee records the first blues album on 72-track digital tape.
- 1952 - A plush dog toy braves the high seas of the English Channel in a brave attempt to find his father in France. It is dognapped by a skilled team of dognappers.
- 1968 - The Rhode Island Toothpick Massacre: Newton G. Hardwick of Pawtucket steals a box of toothpicks from a local Wal-Mart and goes on a rampage, leaving one person bruised and five more slightly peeved.
- 1968 - The Grease Hut donates four industrial-sized vats of grease to starving children in Africa. However, even they won't touch the stuff.
- 1969 - A plush dog toy escapes from captivity by mauling his captors to death; it shares its compelling story with French media. The dog toy eventually finds its father, a stuffed German shepherd.
- 1975 - Speed Racer breaks through Mach 5.
- 1996 - Thomas The Tank Engine makes a TV come-back after reenacting The Great Train Robbery.
- 2002 - The graphic designer who created Comic Sans dies a slow, painful death. Millions grin smugly.
- 2006 - Some Uncyclopedia user creates a crappy entry on June 16, 2006 about Microsoft. It is promptly deleted by a literate user.
Today's featured picture
The 21st century realist art left many masterpieces. The Gallery of World's Tableaux of Fame hosts many artworks from different parts of the world.
Image credit: 90s Kid21
Uncyclopedia's sista projects
|Uncyclopedia is an independent humor writing project, a non-profitable cabal that also hosts a range of other projects.
|32,211 articles. Uncyclopedias are being written in many languages:
This Uncyclopedia, started in 2005, currently contains |
Protected by the Fair Use Clause, and an elite clan of Clinjas.